The Fanny Pack: Never Before Has Form and Function Blended So Smoothly

This is a blog in celebration of a seemingly forgotten article of clothing that can augment a person's social status, advantages, and appeal. It adds both a touch of elegance and edge.

Fanny packs demand attention and reverence. A man with a fanny pack, is a man with a plan. All the tools he could conceivably need to execute that plan at the ready. However not only is the fanny pack enabling, it is fashion statement. One that says "Hey, you need some sun screen, some nickles, some chap stick, some pictures of my kids? I've got it all right here, just let me unzip it."

To wear a fanny pack deliberately is an expression of fortitude and balls the likes of which haven't been seen since the crocodile hunter (come to think of it, I think Steve Irwin frequented the fanny pack on many occasions). When I see a person confidently wearing a fanny pack, I get a little choked up in a rugged and manly way (the way that it's perfectly acceptable to cry at old yeller). I make it a habit to establish eye contact with that individual and give a slow nod of understanding which is always returned.

There are important considerations to be made when selecting a fanny pack. Depending on which aspect we're more concerned with (Form or function) will ultimately guide our decision making process. Should we be thinking practically, one of the first considerations we'll make is size and capacity, as well as number of compartments.

Contrary to popular thought, a fanny pack can have too many compartments, pockets, and be too large. If we're going to that extreme, why not just a backpack? It cannot be so cumbersome that it restricts mobility, also with excessive pockets potentates the risk of forgetting what item you corresponded to which pocket. You risk looking like a total fool. So plan ahead, know your inventory.

I'm surprised they haven't made a bud light's "Real Men of Genius" about the Fanny pack (Mr. Fanny Pack Wearrrrerrrrr). If you're listening Anheuser Busch, I demand royalties on this idea should you want to incorporate it into your Real Men of Genius series, or I will sue your God damn pants off!