Al Takes His Chances with NyQuil. Subtitle: On Moustaches

When my cold symptoms began, although I was disgruntled and inconvenienced, I was not outright mad. This presented me with the opportunity to really roll the dice, take NyQuil. Last time I had NyQuil I found myself pouring water all over my kitchen floor, who knows what this time would bring. Lesser measures like pounding fluids and resting had not weakened my cold symptoms so I decided it was time to move to strike.

After work I stopped by the gas station to get the NyQuil. I saw it immediately. It was the giant Q that called to me like a moth to a bug zapper. I brought it to the register and was startled by what my eyes saw.

The gas station employee had spiderweb tattoos and a weird moustache. I'm searching for other adjectives but for the life of me all I can think of is weird. There are literally countless words to describe moustaches, types of moustaches no less, this one was just weird. Not in a good way, in a way you don't want to look, but you have to. I began to become angry at this guy's imprudence. Moustaches are like Rocky Movies, when done right, they're beautiful, when they're poorly thought out and thrown together it's a fucking disaster. This guy grew his moustache with little to no regard to the basic principles of moustache growing.

1. Planning: Know what sort of moustache you're going for. You think the guys from x-games or snowboarders wait until they get into the air before the decide what they're going to do? No. That's how people get hurt; same principle applies to moustaches.



2. Maintenance: Self explanatory, but trust me this guy didn't get the fucking memo.



3. I'll get back to this one.

So I casually toss the NyQuil and some Ricola cough drops on the counter and things start to get real interesting.

Weird moustache guy: Good stuff.

Al: It's for my meth lab.

Okay I'm going to immediately come clean and admit I never said that, though the thought did cross my mind. This guy could probably spell out the ingrediants in methamphetamine, pending that he can spell. I'm glad I didn't say that because who knows what the weird moustache gas station employee is capable of? Perhaps no one. Certainly he's capable of murder. I think if he actually wanted to murder me, it would be the moustache itself that wields the weapon and kills me.

"Hey did you hear about the murder at the Irving station?"

"Yeah the moustache got life, the guy got 3-5 years with parole."