The Now Infamous Ham Wallet Story

I had this friend in college.  You need not know his name, it is of little consequence.  Only know he did a great many drugs.  One fateful night when he was dabbling with LSD or some manner of hallucinogenic, he needed to listen to his three favorite albums (Why three?  Because his CD player held three).  However there was one problem:

His floor was covered in snakes.  Why'd it have to be snakes?

Long story short, he traversed the lake of snakes and triumphantly inserted his three favorite CDs, one of which was Jimi Hendrix's Greatest Hits album, pictured below.

My friend was staring intently at this album whilst it played and he was sure to tell me that Jimi was kind enough to take a break from one of his mind-blowing solos to leap off the cover and jam.  Jimi paused for a moment, looked directly and my friend and exclaimed  "Ohhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhh!"  He didn't exclaim it like the cool-aid guy, it was much higher pitched.

The next day my friend awakens, three albums still cycling, and realizes he has a powerful hunger.  He drives to the nearby Hanneford, and you know how it is, when you're shopping hungry, your list goes out the window and everything is on an impulse buy.  Arriving at the checkout, he has no reason to suspect any foul play of any kind from the subsequent night of debauchery.  The grocery bill exceeds two hundred dollars and my friend reaches to his wallet to pay.  His primary source of income being the procuring and trafficking of certain goods, his primary currency is American dollars.  Much to his bewilderment, there are no American dollars within his wallet.  What, you may ask is there instead?  You guessed it.

Slices of ham.

"Don't panic," He told himself.  It is unlikely that the unit of currency has changed from the American dollar to the American slice of ham.

What's a guy to do?

Simple:  Silent, head down, walk out.  If they say something, run.  Let it blow over for a couple of weeks and avoid the same cashier you had.

The part that gets me is, my friend had no idea what was coming, his surprise was genuine, as was the cashier's.  To be there for that moment, the questions arriving as well as more questions following the sudden departure of the young man with the Ham Wallet.  I can only hope this turns into a fable, gets mother goosed.

The moral is simple:  Don't do acid or Jimi Hendrix will replace your hard earned dollars with slices of ham.  It's like the tooth fairy in reverse.