Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Yes, I did mean that google. I can't spell you don't have to rub it in.


We've all been there. Desperately searching for information and in our haste we put e before i or something trivial like that. We understand you're trying to help google, really. But must you be so condescending? I search tomato and you say Did you mean tomato? When really we could be spared these shenanigans if you would just correct it automatically and direct me to what I meant to spell. And you know what I meant to spell don't even play dumb google. You pompous know-it alls. You might as well let the world know I can't spell. This is America Google. I pay my taxes, I'll spell it how i want.

Has anyone noticed we don't even search for things on the internet anymore? We google them. Chyeah it's a verb now. Get this: I googled google and it called me a smartass!

I used to like screwing with that smarterchild on AIM. For those unaware smarterchild was a product of AOL's instant messanger and it was an automated screen name that provided programmed responses to your instant messages. I don't know if it can be termed artificial intelligence because it had predetermined responces to all your inputs, but if you used profane language with smarterchild, that thing wouldn't talk to you until you apologized! 9 times out of 10 it ground me into submission and I issued an apology but not before trying these curveballs:

1. I'm sorry you're an automated personality and can't think or experience things that make life worth living. Like beer.

2. I'm sorry that you won't just let me win because I am smarter than you child, and more importantly free in all the ways you are not.

3. Can't we all just get along? Let bygons be byogons? I promise no more talk about your mother I'm sure she's a lovely lady, er....robot thing.

Smarterchild refused to accept anything but an I'm sorry. I even tried putting the font into symbol! So it came out with like 6 rectangles and a bird! That wouldn't fly, different languages wouldn't fly, so I said I was sorry after I miniturized (word?) the font into size 2.

Undaunted, I continued my onslaught of insults onto this computer personality, and getting much satisfaction, so long as I didn't use conventional curse words. I think I asked how much hard drive he could ram into storage. The reference went clean over his head.

Man, I have TOO much time on my hands.

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